dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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