So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
