Don't make out with my wife yet
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
