i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
