Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You're like the curious george of whores
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
