I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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