So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
