so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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