Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
