I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
