you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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