why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
