You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
