I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
