Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
