you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
