I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
