Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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