I can tuck mytits in my pants
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
