I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
