so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
