This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
