it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
