There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
