Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
