oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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