Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
