a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
