So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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