she was so not down for the gang bang
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
