I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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