he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
