He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
