I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
