she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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