An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
