brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
