I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
