a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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