I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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