Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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