when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My feet surprised me
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