my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Your cock deserves a montage
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
