If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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