It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
