You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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