We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
