Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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