Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
