im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
