She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My pussy is not your playground.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
